In case you’re just tuning into my blog, I decided that 2017 was going to be the year for me to seek more of God – to focus on His character and good nature, compassion and love.
As I was lying in my over sized recliner sobbing, I stopped to observe Jesus. The past few months have been a challenge for me and my family. I’m strong most days, but this particular day I crumbled under the pressure.
My prayers contained some phrases that frightened me, frankly:
- “God I don’t understand!”
- “I’m tired!”
- “Why must I endure two serious situations simultaneously?”
- “Lord things have to change, and if need be start with me.”
The last phrase I said to God slowly. I was afraid He would change things in my world and He would start with me and I would be sorry I asked.
A few days past and I felt change coming, and I heard God speak to my heart. He asked me how could I dare harbor any bitterness about anything knowing what happened to Him on the cross – He never sinned, thus never harboring bitterness for His murderers.
WOW! This stunned me! First, I didn’t realize just how much bitterness I held in my heart nor from how far back in my past it extended. Second, God didn’t want me dead because I asked Him to start changing things in my life and to start with me. His nature is love. He wanted to show me what I hadn’t considered.
I began asking God to forgive me for the bitterness. Also for imagining He would do anything less than good in my life. For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT.)
January is almost behind us. Next month I continue my journey of seeking God’s nature in the way that He loves His children. Will you join me?