I thought I had my life all figured out. How dumb was that! First, I haven’t lived all of my life yet…I hope! Second, why would I want MY plans to work? That’s right! You read correctly.
I found myself in pit of depression. A place I’d been before, but promised myself I’d never go again. Why did I let myself get there? The answer is simple. Letting go is the hard part.
Realizing one day that I was not where I planned to be at this time in my life caused me to become bitter. I have SO MUCH to be thankful for so why did I feel like I was lacking? Because I had a vision of what would be the “Perfect Life” for myself and that just wasn’t happening.
This is how my bitterness started:
- I became sadden by the fact I hadn’t yet achieved my goals.
- I tried to find someone to blame.
- I felt uneasy when other people achieved a goal for themselves.
- I felt like a failure.
- I became angry and argumentative.
- I became tired of arguing.
- I held bitterness inside me, even for God 😦
Me, bitter toward God? No way, Hosea! Yes way! God knew it and made me realize it and take ownership of it so I could get rid of it.
How could I harbor bitterness toward my Gracious, Loving, Heavenly Father? After all He’s done for me – after all He continues to do for me.
I was miserable and this had to stop. I’m a happy person. I like to laugh. Looking at myself in the mirror I couldn’t see that sparkle in my eyes anymore. My relationship with others was suffering. Most of all, my relationship with my Savior was suffering. I wasn’t all I could be for Christ. And how did I figure I was going to help anyone else in that condition?
We don’t get a dress rehearsal before life begins. Life is what was happening while I was busy caring bitterness within me. So I decided to make a change. This is what I did:
- I got real with God. He knew I was bitter so I asked for forgiveness, profusely.
- I refreshed my relationships with a few other people by changing my attitude.
- I gave God my plans because without Him, I want nothing.
- I began to be thankful and praise Him for the things He’s done.
- I started singing, Eye of the Storm by Ryan Stevenson. https://youtu.be/cw3zIA1NJU0
Now I wake up with a smile. And a prayer of gratefulness and guidance. My hopes are up. I have to believe God’s Word. I know it’s true. He has shown me many, many times.
I would like to share verses with you that God gave to me to hang on to:
- For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9 (NLT.)
- However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” — the things God has prepared for those who love him-1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV.)
- For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT.)