What is Wrong with Me?

Whenever you’re struggling with ‘finding yourself”, it can be a lonely season in your life.

As a writer, I have pieces of paper scattered around the house that have blog titles, words that I like, phrases that I like, sermon notes, and I also have the big one; my new book notebook. Although I write on my computer, I like to brainstorm in handwriting.

I made a decision to collect all of my papers and put them together in one place, so I could refer to them, almost daily. While doing this task, I came across a tattered piece of paper with my feelings wrote on it from several years ago. My mind took me back to a time in my life that wasn’t so happy for me. And what was a hard time then, has been a stepping stone that took me to a new level with God. This is what I wrote:

1. I feel alone!

2. Both of my parents are in heaven now, and I feel like I took my family for granted when they were alive.

3. I have to realize that God loves me unconditionally, and that is all I need.

4. I have to hurt to get all of the hurt out of me.

5. I do have ‘true friends’ that love me? Right?

6. I’m unsettled about my career and I”m seeking God’s Face.

7. I want a Godly mate to spend the rest of my life with.

8. I want to be strong enough emotionally to help others.

What does that sound like to you? Pitfall, just pathetic. But sometimes this is what you have to do when can’t put your finger on what you’re feeling. I kept the Scripture, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.

I knew this wouldn’t be the way God would leave me, although I got there because of  bad decision making when my mom was dying with cancer. I felt lonely and insecure because of my decisions, not because of anything God did, yet He had a plan to rescue me from the pit I fell into. Let me tell you about me today:

1. God has brought some wonderful people into my life that mean the world to me.

2. My parents would not want me to feel anything but joy. Because when life on this earth is through, nothing matters except for LOVE!!

3. I discovered my worth in God, and the work that He has for me to do has been revealed.

4. Instead of trying to conceal the hurt of bad decisions, I just let myself hurt until I worked through the pain.

5. God continues to show me who my ‘true’ friends are in big ways.

6. My career is in motion as we speak (or type). I’m an author, blogger, public speaker, working on my second book, and an amateur photographer.

7. God has blessed me with the last gentleman on earth. Sam supports and encourages me in my work. And has unconditional love for me. (If he didn’t he would have wrung my neck by now.) Sam and I pray together, hope together, and dream together. The best mate possible.

8. Because of the hurt I went through, I have a story to share with others that are emotionally distraught.

What is wrong with me? Not insecurity and loneliness, been there, have the scars and off to other things 🙂

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